What is Forgiveness?

Posted by Diana Nieves December - 6 - 2011
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Forgiveness is a choice, an internal process. Forgiveness is a gift you receive because you have chosen to focus on other goals in your life, such as – better relationships, great health, a positive self-esteem, self-discovery, etc. Once you are done with that painful road of un-forgiveness you will make your way to the healing process and this is where you find love and inner peace.

Forgiveness means:

  • Accepting what happened,
  • Letting go of your negatively charged energy so that you stop attracting undesired experiences into our life again and again,
  • Changing your perception and shifting your paradigm, and
  • Removing the toxic influences in your life and flushing out the toxins from your mind, body and soul.

I use to find it very difficult to forgive. I believed, as most believe, that if I forgive I am condoning, tolerating and even trusting my trespasser. I felt this would make me susceptible to more abuse. What I have learned is that forgiveness is about freeing myself from the jail of my own mind and even my own heart. Because I had even built a prison around my heart – no one could get in and I surely did not allow myself to get out.

Are you holding on to pain or something that once hurt you? Here is a brief quiz to help you evaluate yourself.

Holding on to Pain Quiz

  1. Can you list the ways your life would be better if only something that happened in the past had never happened at all?
  2. Do you hold grudges and harbor resentful feelings towards your parents, sibling or anyone else?
  3. Did you swear you would treat your children differently from the way you were treated as a child only to find yourself repeating the cycle?
  4. Do you frequently feel empty inside and perhaps try to fill yourself with alcohol, drugs, food, sex, work, etc.?
  5. Do you feel like you are reenacting your past through your intimate relationships?
  6. Do you just get by at work?
  7. Are you riddled with dis-ease? 
Do you feel lonely and not whole?

If you answered yes to any of these questions chances are you are still hanging on to pain – to something that once hurt you. You are holding onto it like a badge on your chest and it is keeping you from having what you truly desire. Isn’t it time you put down the pain and get on with you life? P.S. – Your life is waiting for you.

If you feel you are ready to get on and believe in life then you are ready to move along your healing journey and forgive. The following are seven key steps to forgiveness:

  1. You have a strong desire to change yourself and your life. You begin to notice that things may not be working out like you imagined when you were a child. You may have a physical manifestation of the pain in your life, like a dis-ease, and you want to heal yourself.
  2. Get support from a friend, family member, spiritual mentor, life coach or counselor. Talk to someone you trust, who will listen to you tell your story. Someone who will validate your feelings.
  3. Allow yourself to feel angry – this may be the hardest step for some. Most people feel guilty and shameful for being angry. If it helps stand up right with eyes close and say out loud “NO“ with as much power and passion as possible.
  4. Really examine your life. Sometimes in the process of forgiving one person you realize there were many times in which you were hurt because you attracted similar situations and types of people through out your life. You need to go to the original source of the hurt.
  5. Allow your self to go with the flow of the process and accept that it is an ongoing healing journey. Be easy on you and do not expect yourself to wake up one morning and say I will forgive today and for it to happen. Or in your 5-year plan that you will forgive on the 15th of May.
  6. Forgive yourself. You may be blaming yourself for aspects of the incident. An important part of forgiving is freeing yourself from destructive thinking as soon as possible. Intentionally direct your thoughts toward your desires – the life your heart wants you to live.
  7. You surrender to learning the lesson your soul incarnated to learn. It is here where the Divine’s love is felt, embraced and you receive the gift. This is where perception shifts in such a way that instead of seeing the situation as a tragedy, you are willing to see the experience as being absolutely perfect for your growth.

Forgiveness is a sign of a positive self-esteem. It is something you do for you. When you make the decision to forgive, you open yourself to true unconditional love – not only of others but also for yourself.

You are so loved so love yourself just as much.

Diana is a Spiritual Warrior, an empathic intuitive, board certified transformational coach and energy practitioner, author, and motivational speaker.  She is single mom who is teaching her child how to live his truth, flow with his feelings and understand that we are all perfect with our perfect imperfections. To learn more visit – www.trinitynieves.com

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